Happy Birthday To Me

Today I turn 27 years old. I am now a year older and a year wiser, which I would usually make fun of a statement like this, but today I believe it. In the past year, I have changed in multiple ways. The main thing that has changed is that I am now a mother. In the past year I have been blessed with an amazing little boy who gives me the biggest smile and laugh when I come home from work. A little boy who has the most adorable sleepy gaze that warms my heart. A little boy who reaches for my face with both hands in the middle of a snuggle session and pulls it to his. He then gives me his version of a kiss (it is more of a "let me eat your face" moment, but I go with kiss). His warmth, love, smile, tears, face, hands, feet, and everything else about him has completely changed who I am. I have become over-protective, over-cautious, and over-worrisome, but I have learned that I have the ability to love something more than I could ever imagine. That is what being a mom does to you. You also become a mom to everyone in your life. With all the wonderful things mentioned above, it has also brought me less patience with people in my life because I use it all up teaching, coaching, and with Walden. My fuse is shorter, I sleep less, and have less time for me.

With all of this being said, I like to think I have grown as a person and I have my priorities in a different order now. I have also re-priortized who I want in my life and my son's life. I use to relish in the fact that I had so many friends in my life, but just like everyone else, as you get older you learn who your true friends are and who your acquaintances are. You also get the opportunity to meet new people and hopefully out of everyone you meet, a few of them land in the true friends column. After really thinking about the people that are currently in my life, there are only a very small few that are actually "in" my life. The rest are just on the outside looking in. Those in my life are some of our immediate family (my mom, Matt's parents, Heather, Katie, Nana, and Ruth), and not many friends. Part of that is my fault. Between being a mom, teaching, coaching, frisbee, and UGA Football, my schedule is pretty jammed pack most of the time, so when I don't have something to do, I like to just veg out on the couch. During this time, I could pick up the phone and call and talk to people, but I don't. I do know my schedule in advance, so I could do better about making plans with people on the days I know I don't have anything to do, but I don't. Communication and keeping in touch isn't just the responsibility of one person, it is the responsibility of both people, so I want it known that I am taking part of the blame. At the same time, those that I thought to be true friends at one point know my business, so they could shoot me a text, email, or facebook message to let me know that at least they want to get together. Instead, if I don't plan something (or Matt) then nothing ever gets done. No one takes the lead to do anything, and to be quite honest, I don't have the time and energy to plan anything outside of work or family. It is just frustrating to be left all by myself. To be honest, outside of family, I feel like I have absolutely no one I can go to. It is funny that the one of the people who is talking to me the most is someone I gave up on long ago, but he seems to be one of the few who actually cares about me lately. It is funny how people can surprise you.

Growing up you are always told to be nice to everyone, give everyone a chance, forgive and forget, make friends, and keep them close in your heart. No one warns you how hard friendships can get and how easily they can change. Everyone in my life seems to be doing more and more growing apart. I am very thankful for those in my life, even those more on the outside these days, but it makes me sad at times to realize how much my close friendships have changed over the past year.

The past year has been wonderful in so many ways. I have loved every minute of it and every experience has given me a new outlook or perspective on my life. Here is to another wonderful year of life. I hope that some friendships rekindle and I am going to be a little more cut-throat with others. I am done being a doormat to those who want a friend at their conveince. I want friends that want my friendship at all times. This next year should be exciting with Walden and that is what I am looking forward to the most. I can't wait to experience new things with him and watch him grow and learn more and more each day. Happy Birthday to Me!!!