A Return to Normalcy

Going back to work after having a baby is as hard as they say it it. I didn't break down and cry at all while at work, but it is definitely sad having to leave Walden in his crib every morning. The good news though is that because I am a teacher, I always have so much to do when I get to work, whether it be help students, gets copies made, finish planning for the day/week, get some grading done, deal with cheerleading stuff, etc., that as soon as I walk in the door, I don't have time to think about having to leave Walden until I get done for the day. Once the day is done, I am definitely way more tired that I use to be (most likely because my days are now starting at 4:30), but I can't wait to get home to play with my little man.

The chaplain for our football team started a Bible study for coaches that will meet the third Thursday of every month. My co-worker and friend, Susan, wanted to go so I decided to go with her. I thought I would at least get a free Chick-fil-a Chicken Biscuit for it. When Thursday came around last week, I realized on my way to school that I was in a real funk; I didn't want to be at school at all, I had no motivation to get re-organized, didn't care about grading papers, and definitely didn't want to deal with parent emails that I was getting since I missed the 1st month of school. I knew I needed some deep inspiration, but I didn't know where to even begin looking for it. What I was viewing as just a free breakfast turned out to be the inspiration I needed. The topic for our Bible Study was Success, and it really made me rethink why I love doing what I do.

The first thing we defined for ourselves was what success meant to us as a coach. Being a cheerleading coach, most people believe all we do is sit on the sidelines and make sure the girls are cheering when they are suppose to. What people don't see is all the behind the scenes stuff that takes place. How I measure success as a coach comes from what people can't see. Don't get me wrong, I do want my girls to look good, together, sharp, and have an awesome halftime routine, but none of these things are involved in what I call success. I believe success as a cheerleading coach comes from instilling self-respect in these girls. I want all my girls to not only believe in each other, but also believe in themselves. I also want the girls to not only lead the crowd through cheering on the sidelines, but also by example and inspiration. I want these girls to be role models for the younger cheerleaders, love others, and really believe in their selves. Cheerleaders may seem like they have all the confidence in the world at times, but I will let you in on a little secret. They are usually some of the most self-conscious people I know.

Next we defined success as a teacher. This is the one that really got me thinking. As a math teacher I want my students to perform well on all assignments, quizzes, and tests, however I measure success without all of that. My passion for teaching is more than just a passion for math; it is a passion for each and every student. I want to not only reach my students as a math teacher, but also as a person. I want to inspire them to step out of their comfort zone and view math with an open mind versus a strong dislike. I want to reach my students on a human level too. I want them to develop a trust with me so that they know I can help them when they need it. I want to inspire my students to be the best they can be at all times and to help them see how amazing they are (even when others keep putting them down). If I can do this and really reach just a few students each year, this is what I consider success as a teacher.

Last but not least, we defined success in our lives. Now with Walden in my life, first and foremost I am a mother, followed by a wife, daughter, daughter-in-law, granddaughter, niece, great niece, sister-in-law, and friend. I am at a point where I really have to figure out my priorities and put my family of Walden, Matt, and Bella first before anything. This is something I have struggled with for a long time, but I am really working to do better with it. In order for me to consider myself successful in life, I need to be loving, caring, forgiving, faithful, and helpful to all of those people who mean so much to me. I also need to make sure I take time for myself, whether that be getting a mani/pedi, going shopping, or just taking a nap snuggled up with my little man. I want to always love unconditionally and have faith in everyone I hold dear. I know I set high standards for myself to be successful, however I feel that if I constantly work towards all of this, I am successful in life.

Today was the 1st day I felt somewhat back to normal at work. I was able to catch up with grading, I am somewhat organized again (my sub screwed up my organizational system...I mean when you see someone has their sticky notes organized by color, size, and shape, you would think it would be a sign that they don't want their stuff disorganized), knew what I was doing before the bell rang for 1st period, pretty much had everything planned for the rest of the week, and I was finally truly happy to be back at work. It is funny how just re-examining the reasons why you do what you do and how you measure your success at it can help you get back on the right track. Last week's Bible study was exactly what I needed to help me get back to being me.