Finding Me Again

Over the past few months I have become a very angry, negative, depressed, and unhappy person. It took me a long time to realize who I have become, and I have no idea what made me this way. I do know one thing though, I am going to change this!!!

I can honestly say I have no reason in the world to be unhappy. I have an amazing husband who loves me and puts up with my nonsense, while at the same time calling me out on it (even though I don't like hearing it). We have the most wonderful little boy who is so beautiful inside and out. I will say that Walden's smiles, giggles, laughs, hugs, and snuggles are the only things that make me truly happy lately. These are just 2 of the many blessings in my life, so why am I like this, I do not know.

I am someone who does not ask for help and I pride myself on that (no matter how silly that seems). My job in life has always been to take care of people, not have people take care of me. Matt says I need to go talk to someone, but I don't believe in seeing a shrink. I know it works and helps some people, but it is not for me. Somewhere along the way, I made a wrong turn with my personality, attitude, and emotions, so now it is up to me to find my way back.

Tonight I looked in the mirror and into my heart and soul. I did not recognize anything I saw, but I know that somewhere deep down inside, I'm still in there. I am determined to bring myself back, out of the darkness, and become myself again. My senior year of highschool, I had to face the challenges of fixing myself, and I did. I did it on my own without help from anyone else. I made the choice to rescue myself from me, and I succeeded. Now, 10 years later, I am making that same choice. The situation is different this time, but once again I will rescue myself from me and I will do it on my own. I know the "on my own" part is hard to understand, but it is what I have to do, so please bare with me. I will return to the Erin that my dad was proud of and called Little Fish. I will return to the Erin everyone knows.

I live and breathe dance, music, and lyrics, therefore I am going to give myself a theme song for every day/week/month/etc. My theme song for finding me again is from the movie Burlesque. It is the song they almost left on the cutting room floor, but Cher and Christina Aguliera fought for it to stay in the movie, and they won. It then went on to win the Golden Globe for Best Original Song. The lyrics of this song are very powerful and Cher is amazing (yes, I'm a Cher fan). Here are the lyrics to "You Haven't Seen The Last Of Me" by Cher.

Feeling broken
Barely holding on
But there’s just something so strong
Somewhere inside me
And I am down but I’ll get up again
Don’t count me out just yet

I’ve been brought down to my knees
And I’ve been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I’ll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
You haven’t seen the last of me
You haven’t seen the last of me

They can say that
I won’t stay around
But I’m gonna stand my ground
You’re not gonna stop me
You don’t know me
You don’t know who I am
Don’t count me out so fast

I’ve been brought down to my knees
And I’ve been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I’ll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
You haven’t seen the last of me

There will be no fade out
This is not the end
I’m down now
But i’ll be standing tall again
Times are hard but
I was built tough
I’m gonna show you all what I’m made of

I’ve been brought down to my knees
And I’ve been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I’ll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
I am far from over
You haven’t seen the last of me

No no
I’m not going nowhere
I’m staying right here
Oh no
You won’t see me begging
I’m not taking my bow
Can’t stop me
It’s not the end
You haven’t seen the last of me
Oh no
You haven’t seen the last of me
You haven’t seen the last of me